Fantasy World

On the first English lesson, I remembered my teacher asking us to write down what kind of animal we wanted to be.

I, without much hesitation wrote wolves, and the explanantion was that wolves to me represented freedom. Most of my classmates wrote that  they wanted  to be pandas or dolphins, as they are adorable and kind of lazy.

And why would I choose to have freedom instaed of cuteness? Because my life doesn't seem to belong to me, but my mother's. She planned everythings for me without consulting me, and even if she does, she always get what she wants. I, to her is only puppet, being controlled and manipulated by her and only her -- the puppet master.

How I wish I could do everything on my own, according to what I wish, according to what I planned for myslef?

I often ask my friends what they want to be and if their parents ever force them to be that profession, their answer was always "no". But this is just the opposite for me, my mother prepares everything for me, and my feelings are just a rubbish or waste to her. I knew she wanted me to study Biology, Chemistry and Physics next year, but has she ever asked me whether I really wanted to study these subjects, has she ever asked about my feelings towards studying science. The answer in absolutely no..

I don't know how to stop... in this confused status....